eggggsdfjsldkj: Perez's 35th Birthday / Ridiculous Veggies

Some of you have been bugging me about Joy Luck Club already.

But I'm not ready to blog about it yet.

I still have the last two days in South Africa to cover too. Ugh.

Not ready for that one either.

So instead, you get to read about veggies and Perez Hilton's birthday party.

I was going to tell you about the veggies first...but who wants to read about veggies BEFORE they read about Perez? DUHHHH. Veggies come last!

ANYWAY. As you may or may not remember, I was in LA last week. And Steven happened to have +2 to Perez's birthday party. (They are friends somehow. It's WeHo. I don't know.)

So we went.

Oh, also it was a Pajama Party. TOTALLY ripping AnnieAli's Birthday Party Idea WTF.

I wish I had had my Kigurumi. Instead I bought these stupid Sesame Street PJs at Target for like $2.50.

So it was me, Steven, and KatiSharp against the world.

Some other attendees had Kigurumi! So cute!

There was a pretty awesome pillow-fight photobooth.

There was also a Panda running around grabbing people's butts and boobs. (Funny how people are totally willing to let what you know has to be a creepy-ass homeless dude in a panda suit grope them freely AS LONG as they are wearing the panda suit.)

And a cereal bar.

There were also free tacos. But the tacos were Taco Bell. Because they sponsored the party. Classy.

Anyhoo. It was really fun. I ate like 20 tacos. I don't think Perez eats Tacos anymore. Which is why it was weird to have a Taco Bell Birthday.

(PS Last time I saw Perez he looked like this.)

Oh, Adrienne Maloof was also there. She looks WAY skinny in person. (On TV she looks kinda big, but she's tiny.)

Also thanks to her bodyguard for photobombing our picture.

Adrienne happened to know our friend KatiSharp...so we all chatted.

Perez gave some presentation about his new baby.

And Panda was all over Ke$ha as we were leaving...

Ooooh OK. Now I'm going to tell you about vegetables.

So Will here is a crazy manorexic veggieman. So he likes to eat at weird little veggie restaurants which are all the rage in LA for obvious reasons. So we went to this place Cafe Gratitude, which is an all vegan restaurant. I was totally tricked. The vegan aspect was not revealed to me until I arrived.

So the menu of this place is like everything people hate about vegetarians and vegetarian culture.

Instead of listing menu items like "Kale Salad" or "Eggplant Sandwich", each menu item has a special name and you have to order it that way.

For instance:

I AM SUSTAINED Steamed quinoa with fresh fruit, goji berries, cinnamon, maple syrup and coconut milk

I AM PEACE Live onion sesame bagel with cashew crèam cheese, nori “lox,” tomato, onion, capers and sprouts 7.5 Add Avocado 2

I AM VIVACIOUS Live marinated kale chips with your choice of dipping sauce: Hempseed ranch, garlic-tahini, spicy nacho 8

I AM DAZZLING Caesar Salad with romaine lettuce, avocado, brazil nut parmesan and capers tossed with Caesar dressing 9 Add olive tapenade 2

The f*cking words have to actually come out of your mouth in order for you to receive the "food" that you want to eat.

Oh P.S. our "waitress"'s name was PRINCESS. (Pretty sure she was a pre-op M to F tranny).

If you want to see the full menu, you can go here: http://cafegratitudela.com/menu/

All that silliness aside though, the food is actually really good!

I had the eggplant sandwich. Mainly because it was called "I AM AWESOME" and that was the only thing I was willing to say out loud in front of other humans.

(Oh and when they deliver the food, they say, "YOU ARE AWESOME, etc." in supertranny gayvoice. That part is pretty rad.)

I also had a smoothie. I AM INCREDIBLE Green superfood smoothie with kale, coconut, milk, hemp seed, almond butter, Maca, banana, & Himalayan sea salt

Tasted good for the first 4 of 5 sips. And then it felt like I was drinking a chalkboard.