Sunday, January 8, 2012

30th BIRTHDAY in VEGAS

(with new additions to the group contribution section at the end as of 6pm Sunday Jan 8.)

This will be the longest blogpost ever. If you were there, you'll love it. If you weren't you should just not read it because you'll probably get mad/sad.



Gabriel, our friend and photographer, posted a blog entry weeks ago and he was really able to encapsulate everything pretty succinctly by listing words.

Epic. Armored Party Bus. Makin' it rain. Justin Bieber. Food. Grey Goose . Finger game. Whites. Non-Whites! Gay Dancing. Pajama Party. Shots. Piranha. Mix. Cosmopolitan. Palms Place. Poor Palms. Suite. Poker. Lindsay Lohan. Dry Heaving. Brunch.

If you want the abbreviated, picture-heavy version, just go to Gabriel's blog:

Here's his post on Vegas: Night 1

And here's his post on Vegas: Night 2 (make sure you play the song at the top)

-------------------------------------

So yes, here goes the long version.

The only word that can possibly describe the entire weekend is EPIC.

I was so happy with the way things turned out, and with the people who showed up, and with the love and laughter and fun that everyone shared. It was magical. It felt like a wedding.

I now sympathize with all my bridefriends because just planning meals and tracking arrival times and planning suites and partybuses was STRESSFUL.

But this is the itinerary I threw together for the weekend:

Friday

7pm Arrival Dinner - Palms/Palms Place Hotel - Simon Restaurant
Night's Theme: PLAIDPARTY
9pm PreParty - DK's Suite - Palms Place
1130pm Gay Dancing @ Piranha

Saturday

11am Pajama Party/Hangover Brunch - DK's Suite
2pm-6pm Free time for shopping/sightseeing/etc
6pm Catered Italian family dinner in DK's Suite - Palms Place
Night's Theme: RICH BITCH VIP
9pm Preparty - Wraparound Suite at Cosmopolitan Hotel
11pm-3am PARTYBUS - Pickup from Cosmopolitan for Epic Wastedface Vegas Bar Crawl / Sightseeing / PhotoAdventure

Sunday

11am Brunch - Wicked Spoon Buffet @ Cosmopolitan Hotel / Sadface Goodbyes

---------------------------------------------------

Our host hotel was the Palms Place Hotel.



(Not to be confused with regular Palms. AKA "PoorPalms".)



Palms Place is the newest tower of the Palms Casino Resort and most of the suites are actually privately-owned condos that are rented out when the owners are out of town.

It's REALLY nice.



I had a tub just randomly on the floor of my master bedroom.



And my living room comfortably fit...well...everyone.



And my bed fit me plus three tinypeople comfortably.



And my bathroom/closet area...well...Steven and Diana were doing runway walks through it if that tells you anything.



I arrived a day early to stock up on party supplies.



30 means we're grown-ups now which means no more cheap alcs.




A small group of early arrivers gathered in my suite to play games Friday Night.

All the boys are in plaid because the theme of the night was "PlaidParty".



I love though, that my girl friends all just instinctively knew that plaid would NOT look cute, and so they opted to wear cute little sparkly black dresses instead of looking like lesbian lumberjacks.






We started by playing the finger game, which is super easy and a good ice-breaker. Not that there was any ice that needed breaking.








Then we went downstairs to Simon where we had a DELICIOUS meal with yummy cocktails.

Diana had one called the "Blushing Bride"




We had some meats, some meatloafs, some edamommys, some scallops, some scrimps...it was all so good.






Everyone looked so good in their plaid and sparklies!




From there we headed to the lobby.



Hopped in a limoosine, our preferred mode of transportation over the weekend, and headed out for gay dancing at Piranha.




The soundsystem in the limo was sub-par, so we resorted to singing songs from Beauty & the Beast, like "Belle"...and "Gaston"....it was frickin' hilarious.

"This limo ride literally COULD NOT HAVE BEEN GAYER!!!" -Diana, when hopping out of the limo.



Piranha was a blast. When you roll around town with an entourage, you can turn any bar into the funnest bar in the world.






Asian poses!







I was a total bridezilla and kept making Gabriel take fun group pictures of us everywhere we went.




It was great that all the engaged ladies came sans-fiance. Everyone really let loose. Even MAO!



There was a mini-foam party!



We danced around like idiots. It was so fun.






And we literally had an entire side of the club to ourselves.














Semmes had a lot of fun swinging around us giants as if he were a small child playing with his daddies.



No idea why we were making this face.






This picture of Semmesey holding hands and dancing with Jesse and Will is one of my favorites.



There was actually a lot of handholding. So much love!





I especially love the blurrypics because they really capture what we were basically seeing.



Even the gogo boys wanted to be part of our fun-filled group.








Jesse was super wasted and humping little Dan!



And dry-heaving on Diana!



Afterwards, we went back to Palms and continued to engage in general silliness in my suite.






Jesse was still superdrunk.



AND THEN he started vomiting and dry heaving over the sink and somehow turned the faucet around so that it swiveled over the floor of my living room (stupid faucet design) so when I tried to turn it on to wash down his vomit, water POURED directly all over the floor. I was so mad and yelled at Jesse to get the hell out of my suite while the rest of us continued to dance around.

About 45 minutes later (this is at like 4 am) when we were ready to go downstairs for food Jesse was still in the hallway just stumbling around, walking into walls, and making the most disgusting dry-heaving noises.

We waited for him to turn around... and then SPRINTED to the elevator so we wouldn't have to deal with his nonsense.



Lol lol lol. I love Jesse.

Smileyjohn and Jesse Take NYC Part 3: January 19-23! Get ready!

END OF DAY ONE
---------------------------------

The morning of Day 2 I woke up giddy with excitement.

A: Because we had had so much fun the night before and B: because I knew that these kids had NO idea the extent of the non-stop epicness I had planned for the coming evening.

So I texted everyone and said, "Pajama Party / Hangover Brunch! Order room service and have it sent to my suite."

People trickled in and we laid around and watched silly YouTube videos (my computer was hooked up to the TV and sound system) and watched Tom perform various song and dance routines from the Disney Cruise and then Laura, while watching me change iTunes songs, noticed that I had Never Say Never (The Justin Bieber Movie) on my playlist and immediately asked, "WHY do you have THE JUSTIN BIEBER MOVIE in your iTunes?" At which point Diana jumped in without missing a beat and said, "It's actually a REALLY good movie." (We watched it together a few months ago.)

Everyone was kind of just hungover and chatting and not really paying attention, so I took this opportunity to press play.

A couple others were like, "Seriously??!?!?"

I just kind of ignored them and let the movie run. Within MINUTES everyone was completely engrossed in the movie. It is SO GOOD.



We literally watched in silence aside from a couple random, hilariously swoony comments:

"He's so NICE!" -Laura

"Wow, if you don't like this movie you probably don't have a SOUL." -F





We converted a roomful of Beliebers!



After the movie, people went off to explore and shop, while Tom, Gabriel and I embarked on a HUGELY unsuccessful mission to find a fan. (I was planning to make it rain, so I thought a fan would be useful for keeping all the dollar bills afloat.)

At this point I was really stressed out also because I was exhausted and I had to order dinner for 30 people and then finalize details on the partybus and transfer the sound system and party supplies from my Palms Suite over to that night's Cosmo partysuite. My brain wanted to explode.

But in the end I called upon Danny and Steven to help pick up food and they did and I took a nap and everything and everyone arrived on time ready to go.




Maggiano's is tasty!



During dinner, there was a surprise for me:



Everyone had chipped in and gotten me a beautiful new Tumi suitcase filled with birthday cards!



So awesome.

Nothing makes me happier than to see my assorted friends mingling and falling in love with each other.







After the mingling winded down, we packed up the sound system and alcs and headed over to the Cosmopolitan Hotel, where a night of surprises awaited.

Now I figured, you only turn 30 once. And I was so flattered and honored that I was able to get 30 people to convene in Las Vegas to help me celebrate. Plus it was also a lot of peoples' first time in Vegas, so I really wanted to give them an over-the-top experience that they might never have again.

Hence what is to follow:

We started with drinks at the gorgeous Chandelier Bar.







Then I escorted everyone upstairs to the Night Two Wraparound Party Suite.

And in the elevator lobby, who did we run into??? LINDSAY effing LOHAN (I'm still so mad that noone approached her to take a group picture with us. I'm sure she would have been happy to.)

The suite...was INSANE. I wanted a change of scenery for our second night out, and I had stayed at the Cosmo before and it is the most beautiful new hotel Vegas has to offer, so when I saw a deal on Jetsetter.com for what is normally a thousand-dollar suite, I jumped on it.






Pictures don't really do it justice.

But reaction shots might...








The suite was at a corner of the hotel, so it featured a terrace that wrapped all the way around.

On one side you could see the Bellagio and fountains.




On the other, the southern side of the strip...



Here's a great panorama that Ian made which kiiind of captures the southern view.



It was just breathtaking.



Fabulous!





Ok so from here on down you should press play on the Rihanna song below. It really enhances the viewing experience and basically became our Theme Song.



By now everyone was best friends, so the preparty was super fun.







We had some late arrivals show up...






We played poker...






Smileyjohn won one amazing hand in poker which led us all to chant, "Smi-ley-john! Smi-ley-john!!!!" for several minutes.




People made asian poses...




Gays made gay poses.




It was just a really awesome time.



Smileyjohn won a lot of money in poker.



Laura drank a lot of vodka.



There was a lot of hugging.







Hugs and Munny and Alcohol






Eventually someone decided we should play a game of Celebrity.

We initally thought we'd do Boys vs. Girls, but that caused a semi-uproar...so we decided to do Whites vs. Non-Whites.



It was pretty amazing to hear the White Team chant, "Whites! Whites! Whites! Whites!"



But not quite as awesome as, "Non-Whites!!!!! Non-Whites!!!!!"




The whites tried hard...but lacked solidarity.



Non-whites stuck together to the very end.




Random note from Anne:

"As penalty for losing, The White Team must now buy the book: "Stuff White People Like" so that they can learn more about their culture and likes/dislikes [e.g. organic food, Wes Anderson movies, microbreweries, farmer's markets, religions their parents don't belong to, Ivy league schools etc.] I'm not kidding. It's $10 on Amazon and you can download it to your Kindle if you feel so inclined."

Fun fun fun.




Finally the moment came where a team retreated into the bedroom, and we came out and made it rain.




It was AWESOME. And all done to the tune of Rihanna's "We Found Love". If you haven't already seen the video, well, here it is yet again.


MAKIN IT RAIN to "Rihanna - We Found Love ft. Calvin Harris" from Dennis Kwan on Vimeo.


SO MUCH FUN!!!!














Finally things winded down. We played some Bieber...





Did some group pics on the terrace...




More Bieber...





AND THEN...it was time for

SUPER VEGAS PARTYBUS

So...backstory on this.

A couple months back when I was in Vegas, I did headshots for this cute little actress, Merriliz. Merriliz, as her "dayjob", works as a VIP host. Basically she gets paid to plan parties for high-rollers, escorting them from club to club and negotiating deals etc so that they don't have to wait in line, or get ripped off etc etc.

As such, she knows all the doorpeople in Vegas and can get you into any club hassle-free.

So when I mentioned that I would be doing my birthday in Vegas in a few months, she said, "LET ME PLAN YOUR BIRTHDAY." And I said, duhhhhh-okay!

So I knew I wanted to give people a once-in-a-lifetime Vegas Experience. How to maximize our short time in Vegas, allowing people to party their faces off while still seeing ALL that Vegas has to offer? PARTYBUS!

Merriliz helped me take it a step further and got me THE BIGGEST NEWEST PARTYBUS IN VEGAS.

It's called The Vault.



Yup it's a giant Armored Truck that fits 42 people comfortably. Or in our case, 30-ish people.



We got on the bus, and Little Merriliz handed us each a shot, she was there to make sure we got WASTEDFACE.



One of the funniest moments of the whole weekend was when we had passed out all the shots, which were like triple-shots really, and someone yelled out, "He's 30, not 21! We're gonna need mixers!!!"

God my friends are just so effing funny.

The first leg of the partybus was a quick one. All we did was drive next door to the Bellagio to catch the final fountain show of the evening. (At this point it was midnight.)




It was FREEZING in Vegas, so we all huddled under a heatlamp by the entrance to the casino until the fountains started going off.



Finally they did, and we sprinted over to see them.



They were, of course, magical. For all the first-timers it must have been mind-blowing.



The fountains were synched to The Star Spangled Banner, as sung by Whitney Houston.



So we all chimed in and sang along with the final verse.



Oh wait, here's a video:



Amazing. Amazing.



What happened next was one of the funniest parts of the entire trip.

It was a BUSY weekend in Vegas. There was some kind of marathon, a rodeo, and Garth Brooks was in town, so traffic was INSANE and cabs were impossible to get, and there were SO MANY PEOPLE.

Walking back to our partybus, we passed a line of people waiting for cabs that stretched all the way along the terrace of the fountain. It had to be a hundred or more people shivering and just looking plain miserable in the cold.

Here we are stumbling back to our armored truck partybus, skipping and singing, and I don't know who started it (probably me), but we started waving and heckling "The Poors".

"Oh god, is this what happens to poor people?!?!?!"
"Hi Poors!!!"
"Sorry Poors!!!!"
"Sorry you don't have an armored partybus to go back to Poors!"

We are such douches. Sometimes it's just fun to be a total ass.

You probably just had to be there.



Back on the bus things started getting nutty.

We broke out glowsticks which, as you'll see in a second, ended up being one of the best ideas ever.








Our next stop was the Las Vegas sign. I had envisioned this group picture the same day I decided I wanted to do this whole Vegas thing to begin with.




Epic.




Quick pic and it was back to the bus.



More silly partybus mayhem...



There's something so funny about slapping people when they're really drunk and out of it...







We next headed to MIX at TheHotel at Mandalay Bay.

This is where Merriliz, our party host, really came in handy. To get a group of 30 wastedface glowstick-clad people past a line of overdressed glamazons and Vegas doucheheads would normally be an impossible feat. But Merriliz just went up, gave the doorguys a hug, slipped them some hundos, and up in the elevator we went.



The club was pitch black aside from standard clubby dance lighting, so the glowsticks made it really easy for people in our group to find one another. Plus everyone wanted to know where we got them and where THEY could get glowsticks too. "Nowhere, we're awesome, sorry about it!"











It's hard to convey just how awesome the glowsticks were unless you take pictures without flash, so here is what that kiiiind of looked like...





MIX sits on the top floor of TheHotel at the southernmost tip of the Strip.

The view is INSANE.



You literally feel like you're on top of the world because every which way you turn, you're surrounded by the lights of Vegas.



It was so fun.





As we were about to leave, some random clubgoer asked Will, "Wait...is this a gay club???"

To which he responded, "It WAS....but we're leaving!" (Nene Leakes-like hand gesture) "Plonk!"



Another highlight was when Jesse led us in the chanting of, "Who run the world?....GAYS!!!" to Beyonce's "Run the World"...



It was so amazing. Our group took over the dancefloor. And we threw money in the air, and everyone thought we were insane/awesome.



I'm so thankful that Gabriel was able to come and capture this all!!!




We were at the club for about an hour and a half. We seriously maximized our party time because from the second we walked into the club, the danceparty was already in full-swing. By the time we got back on the bus we had not-that-much time left. (I had rented it for 3 hours from 12-3). So although I had planned to go downtown, hit In-N-Out, and see some other fun Vegas sights, we had to cut this thing short and head back to the Cosmo.

We made the best of it though!





And it's probably for the best because Connie's eyes could barely focus on anything.






Annie looked fabulous in her Rich Bitch wig...






It just made me so happy to see all my assorted friends be so happy hanging out with one another!











This series of wastedface ConCon pics is just mean. But hilarious.









ASIAN POSES!

















We ended the partybus with a group chant of "WE. ARE. THE BEST!!!!!" "WE. ARE. THE BEST!!!!"

Then we afterpartied in the suite.

Danny stole Annie's wig.



And then Jesse ended up dancing around with it.



We had lots of drunky love-filled convos...







And of course rolled around in money. Of course.











Around 3:30am as we were leaving the hotel, wastedface Danny saw some unfortunate stumbling floozy stumbling through the hallway, minding her own business, to whom he barked "LEARN HOW TO WALK IN HIGH HEELS!!!! You're DISGUSTING!!!!!!!"

So unnecessary. SO funny.

We hopped in a limo and headed back to Palms where we had a massive late night meal, which we paid for in ones.



And then it was sad, but we began saying our goodbyes, as many people had early morning flights.



Sunday we had a 12-person buffet brunch where we recounted all the hilarity that had ensued. It was another high point of the whole trip.

Connie, was still delirious and semi-drunk.





I will never forget this trip. It was without a doubt the greatest weekend of my life.

I asked people to send me a top 10 list of funniest most memorable quotes or moments. Here were some of mine (that weren't already posted above):

- Jesse asking the concierge, "Can you tell us how to get to Poor Palms?" and later chanting "Inflated sense of self!!! Inflated sense of self!!!!"
- "Love is grand... Divorce is twenty grand!!!" -Diana
- NEVER SAY NEVER - the fact that we, on a whim, decided to watch the Justin Bieber movie, turning a roomful of skeptics and haters into Beliebers. Baby Baby Baby OHHHHHHH
-"Is it greedy to have 30 BEST friends??? Probably. But I don't care!!!"

From Laura:
- "CUT A BITCH CUT A BITCH CUT A BITCH!!!" -Me and Will, slicing our way (with glowsticks) through a crowd.
- SmileyJohn doing chopstick maneuvers with the glowsticks.
- Toe touches! (Danny Gusman did a fabulous one in front of the Vegas sign.)
- Waving to the Poors from the armored party bus - sorry bout it!
-Jesse have sex with the air while dancing (Naia was teaching us about sacred Hawaiian dance moves...and Jesse just F-ed the air so aggressively) hahaha
-BIEBERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

From Kristy:
- SmileyJohn screaming, "why don't you ask for his birth certificate
too!" at the whites after they contested Danny being on the non-white
team.
- the fact that, only within *your* circle of friends would you
actually be able to get every rain dollar put back in a box after the
photo op.
- someone saying "he's 30, not 21! we're gonna need mixers," as vodka
shots were being handed out on the bus.
- talking with people who are technically strangers and realizing
that you have about 20 different friends in common and know all about each other thanks to your blog, which makes the world a very small place!
From Gabriel:
1. Meeting all these amazing people I have read about and seen for SO LONG on Egg Fury. It was like meeting celebrities.
2. Running around Vegas trying to find just ONE fan (to help all the bills flow when making it rain) but finding none. Vegas, has no fans.
3. Never Say Never.
4. um. The party suite which I was allowed to stay in
5. Rolling up to Piranha, blasting full J-LO after singing Disney songs, with Diana yelling “this ride could literally not have been gayer!”
6. Jesse looking me dead in the eye on a cab ride home and saying “You're not SmileyJohn!”
7. Weekend at Bernies Dancing
8. Pretty much anything Smiley John said to me the entire trip.
9. “Is this what poor people have to do? – Me
10. Non stop laughter at the Wicked Spoon brunch.
From Anne:

- 25 minutes of Jesse (who showed the enthusiasm of a Twi-Hard seeing Rob Pat) as he saw himself on the TV slideshow, pointing and yelling: "ME ME ME ME ME!!!!"
- Ending the night on the party bus with group chant: "I AM THE BEST"
- Danny, deadpan, asking: "Do you play Lacrosse?" when Laura requested a bud light at Piranha
- I don't remember them all so let's just generalize to: every comment SmileyJohn bellowed from across the room wherever we were
- Dennis in the elevator in the Cosmopolitan, accusing Sandra of snotting on his jacket (she did not) and threatening: "if you did, you will be kicked off the party bus". Hardly relevant, since Sandra did not snot on the jacket. That said, it suuuure must be nice to have a big brother...lol



From Diana:
- Oh, you forgot dancing around like girls to "Baby" at the Cosmopolitan!



From Semmes:
1. Making it RAAAIIIINNN!
2. Beiber Time with my homies (and defending the little guy ever since)
3. Dancing on the armored party bus with our overly generous bartender
4. Watching the Giants game in Denny's suite before leaving on a jet plane
5. Gay Dancing (Danny and I giving up half of our wardrobe at coat check) (swinging between the tall boys like a child on a play-set)
6. Being stopped at the gay bar by someone who said, "hey cutie!", followed by, "oh, Semmes, sorry!"
7. AMAZING sushi lunch at Sushi Samba and meeting my first Montanans at the table next to us
8. Randomly seeing a group in our party at the Venetian (among millions of people in really big buildings), totally due to Denny mojo
9. Singing the Star Spangled Banner at the Bellagio Fountains (in perfect harmony)
10. Waking up on Sunday and seeing 10 Vegas videos on my phone and getting to live it all over again.



Our groop google-chats after we got home were pretty amazing too:

Mineko has joined
Jesse has joined
Laura has joined
Will has joined
Mineko: I want to go back
Jesse: now!
Mineko: NOW
Laura: NOWWWW
Gabriel has joined
me: NOWWWW
hi gabriel!!!
we wanna see pictures!!!!
Mineko: omg dennis
Jesse: (but not the hideous ones!)
Jesse: I AM THE BEST! I AM THE BEST!
Mineko: (dennis cover your eyes) gabe, dennis is being slightly bridezilla
Laura: omg when we put our legs against the ceiling pre-going out on saturday -it was such good pre-party respite
Mineko: but yes, we do
Mineko: I wish I had a photo of the three roommates all on the bed with our legs up the wall...it's like... the zen version of clinging to the mast and heading into the storm
Jesse: are we having a gay dance party now??
at my desk?

Gabriel: everyone has been asking me how vegas was. I dont even know where to begin
so I just blurt out justin bieber

Jesse:
"take a picture! take a picture! OK, delete it! Delete!"

Mineko: "Jihan, do you LOVE living with the gays?"
Jesse: lolololol
i must have asked her 10x "don't you just LOVE staying with the gays!!??"
Laura: hahahaha
Mineko:I think she really got in touch with her inner gay man on this trip as did we all...minus Erik, Evan and F (who was already in touch with his)
Jesse: or, "let's chit chat!!!" everyone getting excited and taking their respected seats...awkward silence then, "OK, what should we chit chat about!!??" and we all rolling over from laughter!

Laura: I screamed to all my co-workers that I will refuse to speak to them again if they dont watch NEVER SAY NEVER immediately
Mineko: That most have made for a strange Monday mornign in the office
lol
Laura: I was teary for def 50% of that life changing movie
Jesse: it was REALLY emotional

Mineko: I'm having a no-one-understands-the-new-me moment. I can't remember all the snide remarks the OTHERS hurled at the Whites
Laura: hahahahhaa "whites raise your hands!"
such a small number of arms went up
Mineko: "Don't know the answer? Why don't you just ask your PARENTS for help?"

Jesse: did you guys see that naia put up the video of my violently thrusting into the air while doing the sacred hawaiian dance?
SO embarrassing!
me: yeah
i saw that and was like NAIA
Jesse: i untagged
Laura: oh no...that should not be publicly shared
me: although i was very happy to have seen it
Jesse: what happened to "what happens in Vegas....??!!"



(if you belatedly send me your top 10 list or any comments in general, I'll add them here)

--------------------------------

My birthday was so amazing!

LOL, seriously though it is my hope that everyone gets to feel even half as awesome as I felt the entire weekend at SOME point in their life. Pure blissful contentment with love and laughter and joy flowing from every direction.

Have you ever watched Oprah and seen how happy she is giving cars and prizes away to people? That's how I felt. I felt like Oprah. Except I was doing these things for the people I love and care about anyway!

I'm so thankful for all the amazing people in my life. I entered my 30's glowing and have nothing but more epicness to look forward to.

You only live once. You don't have to live this big... but you should live the way you want to.

3 comments:

  1. I just read that entire post! I really hope that someday soon, some is
    as generous to you as you are to SO MANY people.

    Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AMAZING post Dennis!!! I just relived the epic revelry.

    ReplyDelete